


How It's Supposed To Be

by Dannie_Marie



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky needs a hug, F/M, Fluff, reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 16:42:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11467551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dannie_Marie/pseuds/Dannie_Marie
Summary: When the mission doesn't go as planned and Bucky suffers the consequences.





	How It's Supposed To Be

Why?

It's a question that has been asked by everyone at some point. 

Why now?

Why me?

Why is this happening?

And there is never really an answer, not one that you could find anyway, nor for right now. And times running out. And you know that he is thinking the same thing. 

Why you?

Why did it have to be you?

You wished you had the answer, something to comfort him. To rid the utter pain from his eyes. 

God he's beautiful. Which is an odd thing to think in this situation, but you just can't help it. Your brain has gone all fuzzy and you know you should be thinking of more important things, like where everyone else is and if helps on the way even though you know they'll be too late, but the way he's leaning above you with lights glowing from behind him is distracting. He looks like somethin' out of a movie.

"Y/N! Y/N! Doll you gotta focus, look at me," he urged you with his voice straining. He sounded like he was in pain, but you were sure he didn't get hit. You made sure of it. 

"Are you okay?" That didn't sound right. They were your words and you felt them leave your mouth but that couldn't possibly be your voice, could it? It was wrecked, and not in the sexy post coital kind of way, no. It scratched and bit at your throat. It hurt to talk, but you needed to know that he was okay. "You didn't get hurt, did you?"

"N-no doll, I'm fine," he breathed out, it sounded like someone punched all the air out of him. His eyes were misty with tears and his lips trembled as he reassured you that he wasn't hurt, but that didn't make any sense because he looked like he was in pain. 

He needed to be okay. That's all you could think. That was all he could think too. 

You needed to be okay. 

But you both knew you weren't going to be. The movie is almost over and the curtains are about to close. But you don't want to go, you don't want to die. You want to stay. With him! You can't leave him, he was just starting to get back on his feet and he promised to take you dancing. Real dancing, not that grinding crap, his words, but real dancing with real music. And you wanted that, craved it. You didn't want to go, didn't want to die. But there you were lying on the cold, wet concrete in his arms, flesh and metal. Blood covering you both. Your blood. And there was so much, god no, please I don't want to go! Please, please, please...

A sob tore its way through his body and out his mouth when he heard what you were saying. You were there but you weren't. You knew you were going to die, but you were all foggy about it. Not realizing that you were talking out loud. God you were going to die and you were begging not go and he couldn't do a damn thing but hold you in his arms and cry. 

No he couldn't lose you. Not you. He needed you. God he needed you, he just got you, but now you're leaving and he can't do anything to stop it. You promised you wouldn't leave him and you had never lied to him before. Maybe that's why he believed you. 

~flashback~

The room was cast in a gentle orange as the day came to an end. Not that either of you realized it, too absorbed into the other to acknowledge that you hadn't even left bed yet. Legs entwined, wrapped up in sheets and each other, you basked in this welcomed closeness that you both had been deprived of for so long. 

It was quiet, neither of you needing to speak to fill the gentle silence of the room. With his arm wrapped around your shoulders and your head pressed to his chest, listening to that th-thump, th-thump, th-thump of his heart.

You never wanted this moment to end. You and him, hiding from the world, taking solace in each other. You knew you should get up, get dressed and face the real world, but this moment was too sweet to let end, and you could just bet Steve was throwing a fit when he realized that neither of you did anything the whole day. But what he didn't realize was that you both needed days like this one. After long missions with aching bones and tired minds, you both needed the time away to find yourselves again. Pull you back from looking into the abyss, like you were waiting for something to happen. And you guys had been doing this for so long, before you ever got together. Before you made a spot in your heart for him. You would find each other in the gym on the compound beating the shit out of a punching bag or running like hell on a treadmill as if you could out run your demons. You soon found a place with each other in these moments of vulnerability. 

And now here are. You both still have to fight the demons living in you, but it's easier now. And it's getting better. Nights of heavy, deep sleeps are replacing fitful sleeps that make you relive everything you wanna forget. 

But eventually you both do pull yourselves from bed, but only so far. Far enough for food and a comfortable spot on your couch. 

"Promise me something doll," Bucky asks and you can feel the vibrations of him talking with your head pressed to his chest. You hum in response, curious as to what he's asking. 

"Promise that we'll always have this."

"What do you mean?" Your forehead crinkles at his words and his lip quirks up at the corner and he runs a thumb over the creases, smoothing them out. 

"Promise that we'll have this. You and me, days like this. I love days like this." 

You smile softly up at him before sitting up and swinging a leg over his own so you're straddling him. You lay both your hands on his cheeks, stubble scratching at your palms.

"Baby you'll always have me. And we'll always have days like this, you and me," you reassure him with his own words. You lean your face into his, pressing your lips to his, slow and sweet. 

This isn't the first time he's said this and it won't be the last. You do the same, asking for reassurance that he'll always be there. You both need this promise, this guarantee that you'll always be there. 

~flashback over~

None of that mattered now. It's not like you lied, not really, but he should have seen this coming. Nothing good ever lasts. And you were the best thing he ever had. 

Bucky looked back down at you, tears clouding his vision as he took you in. Etching your face into his memory. 

Four minutes later your heart stopped and your eyes closed for the last time. It wasn't for another three minutes when the rest of the team showed up. And in that time between Bucky held your still body close to his chest as he rocked you back and forth, sobbing loudly into your hair begging you to stay. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, he cried out over and over again. 

It was supposed to be a short mission, home by the end of tomorrow. He was supposed to go home with you and watch crappy day time tv. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic posted on here the rest are on my Tumblr let me kno in the comments if you like it
> 
> hammilton-imagines


End file.
